The deluge of college letters begins for Emma. I must admit, I was a bit puzzled by the return envelope provided by the University of Minnesota.
Like me , you may be puzzled to notice that the UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA Office of Admissions is conveniently located in AKRON, OHIO.
Now, there are a few perfectly good reasons why the “send me more information” letter about the U of MN would go to Akron. Here’s my list:
- There are no longer any employees at the University of Minnesota capable of opening envelopes and selecting the appropriate college brochure information to return to the sender.
- The state-funded University of Minnesota decided that the entry-level job of opening and returning envelopes was too expensive for Minnesota and they outsourced to Ohio, where they could pay pennies less per hour and have the employees pay taxes to the state of Ohio, instead of Minnesota.
- They want to make sure prospective students know that bean counters are in charge of the university, so when they arrive, they will not be surprised that while the classroom may be in Minneapolis or Akron, the professor is in Toledo.
- Due to budget cuts, the University of Minnesota is now being administered by THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, but Columbus is too expensive, so the new University of Minnesota will be located in Akron.
- The Dean of Admissions really likes the old Pretenders song “My City Was Gone” and wanted to reverse the economic slide of his home town.
I WENT BACK TO OHIO
BUT MY PRETTY COUNTRYSIDE
HAD BEEN PAVED DOWN THE MIDDLE
BY A GOVERNMENT THAT HAD NO PRIDE
THE FARMS OF OHIO
HAD BEEN REPLACED BY SHOPPING MALLS
AND MUZAK FILLED THE AIR
FROM SENECA TO CUYAHOGA FALLS